Mark,
Thanks so much for sharing your story. And a double thank you for not posting it anonymously. It is important for clergy to speak up.
God Bless,
Phil Brockett

I have read, listened, reflected, listened again, and reflected more since the dialogue began. My first response was, and remains, “This is a good day for the Covenant…a good day.” Thanks to those who initiated the conversation and to all who have participated.

My own story goes back over 20 years now when my oldest, deepest, and best friend came out. We were both about 30 years old and had already shared 23 years of friendship taking us from 2nd grade Sunday School class, through Confirmation, Hi League, Christian college and into our respective vocations. Could I have guessed he was gay? Sure, but the shared experience of coming out “together” was one of the most powerful and transformational experiences of my life. I really mean “together” because it was just as much a “coming out” experience for me as a straight man, as it was for him a gay man. His sharing from the deepest most core place of his being invited me to share from an equally deep and core place. Vulnerability was flying around everywhere but eventually lead us into a far more honest and profound relationship – a deeper, deeper connection. I’ve been reading lately of how western culture is losing its tolerance for vulnerability. This is something I truly grieve for myself and the world. I’ve cherished this relationship and find myself smiling as I remember meeting his partner for the first time, raising our kids together, visiting “their” home each year on our way back from vacations. He has always been there for me (death of my parents, various graduations, my wedding, kids baptisms, my various moves around the country) and I always want to be there for him. My family and I have been blessed and enriched with many, many friends from the GLBT community. These relationships have flourished but I am incredibly saddened when those relationships have largely been outside of the church. As a Covenant pastor, I’ve watched too many faithful and committed folks from the GLBT community come to my church only to come to that point in time when they feel they have to leave us because they can no longer be in community without being able to share freely from their whole selves. Many have asked why I stay in the Covenant. I stay because I believe in the Covenant, who we are as a people and the unique affirmations that bind us together. I stay too, because, for me, I don’t think the answer lies in leaving. I have participated in Ministerium and Annual mtgs and have had my times at the microphone to speak for a more inclusive church. I stay also because I believe in the transformational power of God for all of us.

I write this from Chicago and the Midwinter Conference and wonder (hope) that this might be an opportunity for real conversation and learning concerning a more inclusive church. I started my comments stating that it was 20 years ago and we were 30 years old. I used the numbers purposely because I’m 50 years old now and can’t bear the thought of having to have this conversation in 20 more years when I’m 70. I believe we can have this conversation today and it is my deepest prayer that the Holy Spirit would take over the whole dialogue – every comment, every statement, every emotion and story shared. This is a good day for the Covenant…a good day.

Mark Nilson

Dear Another Anonymous Covenanter
I can’t imagine the struggles you have faced in your walk. How wonderful it is that you have had a group of supportive friends along the way. I don’t believe there is any “perfect” marriage. I know a woman who remained married to a man who was very, very emotionally distant. I had one elderly man in my church who told me that on their wedding day his wife said there would be “none of that sex stuff.” They both had difficulties to face in their marriage, but found ways to make it work and be fruitful. Good for you and your spouse for making your marriage work. Not everyone could do what you are doing. But you and your spouse are obviously enjoying a fruitful relationship. Thanks for reminding us that there is no perfect marriage. Takes the pressure off.

“The more privileged you are, the easier it is to envision human beings as pure individuals, unconnected to other individuals in any way that matters.” –From the post Privilege Is Driving a Smooth Road And Not Even Knowing It

For Christians who believe that homosexuality is a sin, they view the very idea of sexual orientation as a mis-framing of the issue. This is very easy to do for privileged, straight Christians who have been taught all their lives that the most basic, fundamental sexual aspects of their being are positive, legitimate, and even holy. Their parents probably helped shepherd the process of beginning to date, welcoming new boyfriends or girlfriends into the home and nurturing the maturation of their sexuality into something that led ultimately to a large wedding and a happy marriage thoroughly integrated into their community. For them, the incredible support of the aspects of their being that are most fundamental was so ubiquitous that they are hardly even aware of it.

For these Christians, the issue is about clarity regarding sin and scripture. This is a privileged perspective. For those for whom their sexual orientation becomes an immediate, terrifying breach between themselves and that wealth of support that straight Christians enjoy, orientation is THE issue.

Your voice is so important because it points towards a question that is really hard to grapple with. How is sexuality and sexual expression/fulfillment related to our humanity? Is it an essential part? Is it a right? Many would say YES to all of the above, some of us aren’t so sure. There are so many levels (even merely scientifically!) to gender, sex, and orientation.

Going back to Phil’ s and Andrew’ s first entries might be helpful in understanding the “goal” of this blog.”Since we are really just practicing this dialogue together, I fear being too structured will again cause some to be silent. We know there is harder work ahead , but for many, this is a first opportunity to even get close to a discussion, let alone wrapping their minds around it. I suspect some comments may seem incendiary to some, and to others might be energizing . I really appreciate the mix of comments from various pionts of view , experience, etc. Itight just be ok to not have a plan. The Spirit will make itself known to us as we pray for one another on this new path.

Cathy, I would agree with you in part, but the examples you give don’t contradict previous understandings of God – some sickness in Scripture was the result of sin; some mental illness was the result of demons. All of it wasn’t or isn’t, but some was. We have clarification of truth, not a change in truth.
If we can only know God by his self-revelation, then each of the writers of God’s Word were expressing God’s revelation of himself, not their own “primitive…flawed” understanding of God. Yes, God does reveal himself progressively, but he does not reveal himself incorrectly.
Second, it seems that the implication is that we can add to God’s Word by adding our “best understanding of God.” This implication would reduce Scripture to ideas, thoughts, and hints, and we can make of Scripture whatever we want. We make God subject to our understanding; we become primary, God becomes secondary.
I would disagree with this understanding of God’s Word.

Thanks for your comment!
Couldn’t agree with you more. Andrew and I need to give more definition in the “about section.” Our clearest goal is to give people a place to tell their stories and be heard and we also know that there needs to be some theological reflection and definition. In addition there needs to be a code of civility. We do moderate initial posts and will not post “mean” or “intentionally hurtful posts” however we do want to respect and include diverse points of view even if we happen to disagree with the opinion expressed. With regard to the OT I didn’t mean to make the OT the whipping boy, I was trying, (not too well I guess) do describe my own experience of hearing the OT in a different way. I’d like to think we don’t need a whipping boy, so lets agree to take the OT and GLBT people off the rack, and I (a straight person) will volunteer to take a few lashes for failing to work hard enough to communicate more clearly. 🙂 Avoid us if you must but with much thanks for your comment! Shalom!