The story you tell sounds familiar. Thanks for telling it.

Dear Debra:

Thanks much for so many reasons: your
desire to read what’s posted in this blog, your openness to learning
from the heart cries of individuals and families as they share the
pain of rejection, and now your taking the time and effort to respond
in a deeply thoughtful and heartfelt way. You have helped me to
understand the internal conflict felt by pastors who want to respond
to this pressing issue but are perplexed by how to go about that. You
are not about to join a parade on either side of the issue, but
neither are you willing merely to ignore it. I hear you questioning
whether using this blog to open up the dialogue fits the original
purpose. I wondered that, too, when I presented my post, knowing it
was different from the very personal writing of those who have been
injured by rejection, but the administrators accepted my post,
probably feeling that somehow it advanced the discussion. I
detect in your response the kind of generosity and kindness that
helps me to think of a young person in your church coming to you,
perhaps with fear and trembling, but trusting that you are one whom
s/he can trust with the very deep, dark, forbidden secret s/he lives
with. I’m confident from reading that you would be a marvelous
confidante and guide and be able to give full assurance of your
support and willingness to walk through the hard places with him/her
without judgment or condemnation. But then on that shared
journey through the dark valley must come the question, “Will my
church accept me?” Perhaps there have been words spoken by
others, teachers or a youth leader perhaps, or from peers, maybe from
the pulpit, that indicate the answer must be, “Not likely.”
What then do you do, being the caring shepherd that you are? Must you
recommend silence, given the consequences of speaking the truth, but
overlooking the pain of silence upon the one you counsel? Or will you
suggest s/he leave the church of his/her growing up, of his/her
family? Now suppose that s/he has told you, maybe long before this
new revelation, “I am sure God is calling me to ministry.”
What must you advise then? Do you see any fork in this rough road
other than, “I’m so sorry. You must look elsewhere to fulfill
God’s call”? Isn’t this the horn of the dilemma that pushes us
beyond willingness to listen and being kind and accepting–the next
steps the troubled person will take toward fulfillment? How then
shall we be affirming of that LBGT person we counsel? These
are theoretical questions for me, long retired, not having to face a
dilemma such as I have just described. I recognize that shortcoming
and will try to be a genuinely open to a response as you obviously
are to sharing your own questions. Again, I thank you kindly not only
for your response but also for the wise and warm shepherding you
provide for those God brings to you, in the best of Covenant
tradition of pastoral care.

Jim Anderson

Hi Joey and Jim~
I’m not a retired Covenant pastor.  I probably won’t pass any longer for a younger Covenant pastor.  Some might call me a middle-aged ordained Covenant pastor.  I would call myself a Covenant pastor who deeply cares for individuals, families, communities and our entire denomination regarding this blog’s topic. My impression was that this space was created for individuals to share their stories in safety without judgment or theological or biblical critic.  As a Covenant pastor I am listening with openness, care, and compassion to each person who chooses to write. Were you expecting these posts it to be a place for Covenant clergy to make comments of approval or disapproval of peoples stories?   Were you expecting Covenant clergy to make comments of the ECC’s policy on human sexuality?  I could be wrong, but I thought all readers, clergy or not, were being trusted and  invited to listen and know the journey of our colleagues and fellow human beings as they vulnerably share sorrow, grief, and future hopes.  That is how I am approaching this blog.Active Covenant clergy are bound to confidentiality as we hold the personal stories of congregants and civic leaders who confide in us and seek pastoral care and Biblical guidance from us.  In my opinion, this blog is not the place for myself, as a Covenant clergy, to communicate much except I deeply and pastorally care about the real-life stories being entrusted to us all.I am not intending to embarrass anyone by my silence in this blog as a Covenant clergy.  I do not fear hierarchical reprisal from Covenant colleagues in roles of servanthood as they oversee my ordination, Biblical teaching, and character.  I’m thankful for them and for the accountability. I know my own sinful heart too well.  My silence does not mean I am not in favor of the human rights of the LGBT individual in American society any less than I am in favor of the human rights of children, disabled persons, the elderly, persons of all ethnicities, immigrants, and persons of any faith that seek to do no harm. My personal concern about this blog topic:  As a follower of Jesus Christ and servant in His church living in America, what concerns me is that I not embrace a definition of love that is not God’s definition of love, or succumb to an enlightenment ideal of freedom that is not God’s definition of freedom for those called by His name, or that I sleepily slide into some postmodern deconstruction of ultimate truth that is built on cultural customs and experiences.  I find the Kingdom rule of Jesus Christ in my life to be much, much harder to faithfully follow than abiding by the laws of my state or country.  Jesus Kingdom rule calls me to trod a sacrificial, servant path.  The Apostle Paul called himself “a servant of Jesus Christ” – not a servant of Rome (Romans 1:1).  As individual states in America approve gay marriage, providing proper human rights for citizens, I remain a servant of Jesus Christ before I am a servant of my state.   Jesus’ way involves surrender of my personal will and the call to repent of my idolatries: My idolatry of seeking to be liked, affirmed, and accepted by family, friends, society, and other Christians with differing perspectives.  Regularly I am in need of repenting for my idolatry of self-preservation and self-protection when I’m tempted to bless what God does not bless so I avoid relational conflict that casts me into sleepless nights and takes a toll on my body.  I am a single, celibate, heterosexual Covenant clergy woman who still wrestles with my pride, insecurities, fears, twisted heterosexuality, loneliness, desire to belong, frustration of communing in churches more oriented to families and couples than affirming the worth and contribution of singles, etc.  God has not healed me of these struggles, but He is faithful to be with me and renew me with His Word, His Spirit, and a few trusted friends as I keep seeking to follow Him.  Here is my suggestion for a place for the kind of dialogue that my sister Joey and brother Jim and many others may be desiring in the Covenant family: I suggest that the venue of conventicles (small groups), where we (heterosexual and gay) do life-on-life community, honestly seeking to know and be known, with freedom to share our theological and Biblical beliefs and questions while remaining open to on-going honing even as we agree to disagree in authentic Christo-centric relationships . . . would be of value to the ECC now and over the next 10 years.  Respectfully shared, Deb Gustafson

I appreciate your thoughts.

I’ll second Cjoliver’s question: “Why?”

Leonid, if you believe strongly in your position, why not be willing to discuss it?

Thanks, Joey. Your affirmation means a lot to me. I’m not surprised at the silence of Covenant pastors who support LGBT affirmation. The current sanctions are real and intentional. What does surprise me is the silence of those who believe denying LGBT rights is good and right and biblically required, since that view is not at all forbidden. Except for one brave commenter, there is no opposing response to this post. I wonder why. I’ll hazard a guess: most do not want to be known publicly as anti-gay. Better to keep that prickly side of their persona hidden, so posts on Coming Out Covenant are best ignored. Thus, there is no  dialogue. I agree with you–that’s sad.  Jim

Carolyn Oliver
Why?